I want to have your abortion
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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