So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
