He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
