I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
