This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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