I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
