lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
