there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
