I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
