Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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