Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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