and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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