My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
