all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
