do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
