Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
