hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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