I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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