At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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