I think I died a long time ago.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
