Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
