You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
