So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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