I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
