ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I party with great urgency now.
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