Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
