I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
