I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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