Your favorite bartender is back from prision
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
