so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
