JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
