It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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