just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
