Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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