omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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