Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize