You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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