I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
