he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
