I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Your penis caused this!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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