You work out of a Hotel?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
