White coat. Heels.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
