She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
