There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
