i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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