Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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