Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize