It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize