i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
4 words: hood of his car
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
