Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
