That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
