We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
