Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
