haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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