Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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