He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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