Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
