Are we in a gay sports bar?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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