I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize