just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
