my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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