My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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