Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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