I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
