White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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