youre lurking in front of me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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