Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So much rum. So many feels.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
