If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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