my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
