I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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