Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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