I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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