he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
