its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize