I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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