I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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