If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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