Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize